| | Well, it's official. I've worked things out with the registrar. I've written the conclusion to my paper. I've taken my one exam. I've got nothing left to do except pack, take Richard clothes shopping, walk across the stage, and then...
I haven't quite figured that part out yet. But I will.
I'm having a hard time getting my thoughts in order. I don't feel sad, per se: my heart knows that it's time to go. I came into college on antidepressants and anticonvulsants, and I leave college happy, stable, and epilepsy free. I came into college single, and I leave college engaged to a wonderful man. In a million little ways, the wheel has turned for me, often in ways I could never have expected. I couldn't get anything more out of this place than I already have.
And yet...
Have you ever been walking down a lonely street and heard footsteps behind you--but when you turned around, nobody was there? That feeling, that mistaking of your own footsteps for someone else's...that's how I feel with regards to my memories. Detatched. I look back at everything that has happened to me here at Knox, and it seems like it happened to somebody else. The girl who came into her first freshman preceptorial and noticed with distaste the annoying boy with the yarmulke sitting across from her...I can see the scene in my mind, but I can't make the mental jump to label the girl as "me." The same goes for all my memories of college--even those from this year, even those from this term, even those that happened yesterday. They all seem equally distant. It's not a bad feeling, but it is a bit disorienting, like my mind already drove back to Milwaukee and left the rest of me here.
This is as nostalgic and as melacholic as I'm likely to get this week...all the effort I've poured into staying positive this term seems to have taken hold, and even without working at it I'm finding it very hard to stay sad or wistful for more than a few minutes. Even when, like now, I feel like I SHOULD be wistful, I can't really keep it up for long. I think that's a good thing, even if it does creep Richard out a little.
(Nonetheless, there is one thing I do find depressing about all this. When I first "graduated" back in eighth grade, George W. Bush had just become president. When I graduate from college this Saturday, George W. Bush will still be president. Bush was elected just five months after my bat mitzvah. His successor will be inaugurated just seven months before my wedding. How's that for perspective?)
On Sunday, I will write my final post in this blog, with a link to my new blog. I created this blog when I entered college, and it feels right to abandon it now that I'm leaving college. My new blog will be closer in terms of emphasis to the blog I kept in high school--much more introspection, much less flat out reporting, although this new blog will have a more spiritual/Jewish focus than my high school blog did. (Also, it will have recipes. As I try out new recipes this year, I'll be sure to share the good ones.)
Only 19 days until my birthday...
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| | Posted 6/2/2008 5:14 PM - 69 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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